*today*
it's been a long day.
by 9:30am, i had seen and felt the grim fate of humanity. i watched a 20-something chinese woman blatantly refuse to help an elderly lady lift her heavy trolley up one, count them, ONE step. i mean, the elderly woman politely asked the young lady for help, and she actually paused, realized what the woman wanted from her, and shook her head and walked away! it would have taken an extra 2 seconds out of this woman's life... as i walked towards my bus stop after the elderly woman thanked me, i wondered what dark thing could harden a person's heart so much as to stare an old woman in need in the face and refuse to help her. i could understand if this young lady was incapable of helping, but she was clearly of sound body, and for such a simple task as lifting a trolley up one step, it sickened me in the stomach to watch.
then, just minutes later, sitting in the half-empty minibus, i saw my chinese coworker get on and i immediately smiled and waved and said 'hi'. he swiftly glanced over me and the empty seat next to me and sat down in the seat in front of me without saying a word. i was stunned into silence. now granted this was a coworker whom i don't have much in common with, and have never really had much to chat with him about, but at least i try to make conversation when i can.
i remember when, after the columbine school shootings, i had heard on tv somewhere a religious leader comment that the evil that drove the two boys to kill their classmates and teachers is in all of us. any one of us possess the capacity to do what those boys did. what are you thinking now? does something in you immediately rise up and say "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"? are you thinking, "well i'm not perfect, but i would never KILL someone...." i had to think long and hard about this. during the hillsong conference, i was deeply convicted to truly pour out my life for people once again. i think for a long time before, i had tried to do that. then, somewhere along the way, my soul got tired and i told myself, "why am i trying so hard? i need a break. i need to feed myself for awhile now."
i'm not capable of killing someone.
LIAR.
i need to feed myself...
that, in essense, is the very same spirit that drove the two boys to kill. that, in essense, is the very same spirit that drove the lady to refuse to help a person in need. i need to feed myself...
my jesus, i thank you so much that it is your blood that covers my sins. it is your crimson stain that turns the darkness of my pride and selfishness into pure white before your throne. forgive for all the times i chose to serve myself over someone else. forgive me for all the times i murdered the spirit of someone by being selfish. i don't ever want to forget the absolute and sustaining power of your grace. that it is by your loving grace alone that i can stand before you. that it is the power of your Spirit alone that i can even attempt to pour out my life. i pray that every single day you remind me of what it means to live wholly, holy, with you. amen
it's been a long day.
by 9:30am, i had seen and felt the grim fate of humanity. i watched a 20-something chinese woman blatantly refuse to help an elderly lady lift her heavy trolley up one, count them, ONE step. i mean, the elderly woman politely asked the young lady for help, and she actually paused, realized what the woman wanted from her, and shook her head and walked away! it would have taken an extra 2 seconds out of this woman's life... as i walked towards my bus stop after the elderly woman thanked me, i wondered what dark thing could harden a person's heart so much as to stare an old woman in need in the face and refuse to help her. i could understand if this young lady was incapable of helping, but she was clearly of sound body, and for such a simple task as lifting a trolley up one step, it sickened me in the stomach to watch.
then, just minutes later, sitting in the half-empty minibus, i saw my chinese coworker get on and i immediately smiled and waved and said 'hi'. he swiftly glanced over me and the empty seat next to me and sat down in the seat in front of me without saying a word. i was stunned into silence. now granted this was a coworker whom i don't have much in common with, and have never really had much to chat with him about, but at least i try to make conversation when i can.
i remember when, after the columbine school shootings, i had heard on tv somewhere a religious leader comment that the evil that drove the two boys to kill their classmates and teachers is in all of us. any one of us possess the capacity to do what those boys did. what are you thinking now? does something in you immediately rise up and say "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"? are you thinking, "well i'm not perfect, but i would never KILL someone...." i had to think long and hard about this. during the hillsong conference, i was deeply convicted to truly pour out my life for people once again. i think for a long time before, i had tried to do that. then, somewhere along the way, my soul got tired and i told myself, "why am i trying so hard? i need a break. i need to feed myself for awhile now."
i'm not capable of killing someone.
LIAR.
i need to feed myself...
that, in essense, is the very same spirit that drove the two boys to kill. that, in essense, is the very same spirit that drove the lady to refuse to help a person in need. i need to feed myself...
my jesus, i thank you so much that it is your blood that covers my sins. it is your crimson stain that turns the darkness of my pride and selfishness into pure white before your throne. forgive for all the times i chose to serve myself over someone else. forgive me for all the times i murdered the spirit of someone by being selfish. i don't ever want to forget the absolute and sustaining power of your grace. that it is by your loving grace alone that i can stand before you. that it is the power of your Spirit alone that i can even attempt to pour out my life. i pray that every single day you remind me of what it means to live wholly, holy, with you. amen
posted by jana* at 11:55 PM
