*meagre thoughts*
what is it about the chinese mentality that is so counter-culture to the Christ mentality? i've had numerous chats with colleagues in the past few months of how i got to where i am today, things that i've been through... and they are always without fail, shocked. why? i've just tried to do whatever i've heard God call me to. not that i've always heard correctly, or made the right decisions. but that didn't keep me from staying stagnant. and who can argue that God is most gracious when we earnestly try to follow him and not ourselves?

my colleagues in my department had a farewell dinner for me last night (HOT POT!! mmm), and one of them commented that the maintenance guy that volunteers at mother's choice is probably the bravest guy she knows, because he can carry couches on his shoulder with one arm and make it look like a piece of cake. and i'm thinking today... bravery really has nothing to do with physical prowess. i think one of - maybe THE - things anyone can do is to be able to see their life as it is and do something about it. to recognize our own achilles heels (of which i have many), to know where we lack, and ADMIT it. not so we can wallow in pity and hope that someone notices, but to face these shortcomings bravely and make a decision to let God change us.

shane posted a very interesting quote on the 180 forum: we can often do more for other men by trying to correct our own faults than by trying to correct theirs. (francois fenelon)

and one of the most precious piece of advice i ever received from my pastor's wife in vancouver was: instead of focusing all our attention and effort on finding the perfect mate, we should focus our effort on becoming the perfect mate. i don't think this necessarily only apply to finding a spouse, but in all sorts of other relationships as well. that would probably solve a lot of issues between these days.

so i guess i just wanted to encourage people to keep going. keep asking God what his plans for our lives are, keep obeying when you hear that word, and you'll never go wrong. other people might think you're crazy, YOU might even think you're crazy because you're doing things you never imagined yourself doing in a million years. but that's the beauty of all this. God changes people. and there's nothing better than to be right in the center of God's will. anywhere else would be hell.

*and so begins the countdown*
i am on my fourth to last shift at mother's choice... by next thursday, i'll be free to fly! they've schdeduled all my time at the hostel next week, and i'm actually glad that it's this way now. admittedly, it's not the most exciting being on hostel duty. just imagine living with 10+ very hormonal girls - and TEENAGERS on top of that... it's not always a pretty sight. but i'm glad becuase it's a relatively solo job. i can deal with these girls in my own way. but when i'm in the office, i have to interact with my coworkers, and that can be taxing. especially since they've all made it quite obvious that they're not happy with me leaving (not so much because they love and will miss my sunny personality, but more because it means there's one less person sharing the work), it's a bit of a wierd atmosphere. it's made me WANT to leave now, and that's sad. i really wanted to go on a good note, but it's been so hard the last few weeks. everyday, i hear at least several taut remarks about how much there is to do, how little time everyone has, and "oh, it's too bad you're leaving us!" and instead of letting me gradually finish and handover my work, they keep giving me more work to do. nowadays, it's mostly translating, because once i'm gone they won't have an english-speaker to work on the website.

ANYWAY.

i did not start this entry wanting to complain about work. it's just yet another period of transition in my life, and i'm wanting for it to happen quickly. i'm excited about cleaning up my new room and getting it ready. i'm excited about the coffee bar at the vine center opening soon. and i've learnt something new about myself: i'm a clean freak. or rather, i love cleaning. i think subliminally over the years, i've come to enjoy and appreciate the subtle yet important difference it makes to have a clean home. of course, anyone who has ever seen my bedroom might wonder what i'm talking about. so i like my own personal space to feel "lived in", but i definately am anal about clean communal areas. and at the vine centre, there definately will be enough cleaning to keep me busy!

tonight, just because it's saturday night, i'm going to share my goldfish crackers with the girls.