*newness*
something about new things that gets me all giddy... i think most people are like that. having something new-to-me, even if it's old to someone else, is like seeing snowfall for the first time as a child. there's magic in whatever that new thing is. it could even be something as simple as a new pen. words just somehow flow from its tip more fluidly than an old one. so tom's finally handed over his ibook to me, and now i sit amazed that i have the world at my fingertips.... such infantile joy!

as silly as it seems, i've longed for this moment. many things these past few weeks have hung on the anticipation for this new toy. not having to wait in line for a computer at work, being able to check (and reply!) my emails without feeling guilty, having time and a place to discuss my thoughts through blogging.... yes it's true. i used to write in a journal (i still do sometimes), but i've never been a very good writer. my hand could never move fast enough to record my thoughts before they disappeared again. but i can type fast. and now having been a member of the blog world for a little while, i see it as not a place to make myself heard or validate myself (although of course it is that too) but an outlet for me to sort out the contents of my mind. kinda funny, but there have been many times in the last few weeks when i felt really frustrated because i don't know what i'm feeling or thinking, and it's because i haven't been able to really write. my traditional journal is full of unfinished thoughts and half entries. the hope that comes with my very own computer is that i can take the time to unload my head and sort its contents into coherent words. maybe then i'll be able to see a bit more clearly where i'm going.... something about being able to write, to record thoughts, to remember the roads we have been on....

keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. say to wisdom, "you are my sister," and call understanding your kinsman... ~ proverbs 7:2-4

*overcoming*
well for the sake of rhiana, i need to write something today... she's in good ol' townsville, australia, halfway through her dts and about to set off on a most amazing journey to experience firsthand God at work. i know how prescious computer time is on dts, and since she said she'll be checking everyday, i cannot disappoint!

today i had to go into a school as a guest presenter on disability awareness. this school was holding an assembly to present a painting done by a chinese man without arms. yes, you read that correctly: without arms. how did he paint? you ask. you see, he had developed a special head device that allowed him to maneuver a paintbrush just as masterfully as any other able-bodied artist. as i was doing my research on people with disabilities, i found some interesting names attached to different disabilities - some i knew of, some i didn't.

dyslexia: tom cruise, albert einstein, alexander graham bell, thomas edison, winston churchill, walt disney
lou gherig's disease: stephen hawking (the mastermind behind the big bang theory)
deafness: beethoven
adhd: robin williams, 'magic' johnson

of course, there were many more i could list, but already this short one shows that adversity does not equal inability. adversity does not necessarily disable. it is our perspective and our attitude that disables. that there are people with seemingly disabling odds against them could reach such achievements as these people have tells me that the One who created them also equipped them with access to an infinite source of ability. what an incredibly gracious God that He would enable such people to achieve such things. i'm not saying that all these people are faithful, spirit-filled christians, but as far as i'm concerned they are still all creations of the Creator, the beloveds of the Author of love. some people look at war and famine and disease and say how can there be a god? i look at people like these and say how can there NOT be a God?? imagine what these people could be if they WERE faithful, spirit-filled christians!

this past sunday, my church was talking about failure, and overcoming our past failures to achieve what God has set out for us, if only we would listen! i do not believe there is anyone on earth who cannot live an incredible, miraculous life, if only they are willing to listen, truly listen, to the Almighty. do you want that Life? then you must do this.

i have known what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. i can do EVERYTHING through him who gives me strength. ~ philippians 4:12-13

*hmmm*
yes the girls are definately falling at my feet... it's hard not to step on their wild manes and perfectly sculpted nails.... *sheesh*

ok, so i'm REALLY bored with this blog thing... it's just because i never get a private moment with computer (that sounds s bit dodgy doesn't it...) to really process my thoughts and my day...

oops.. gotta go. the boss beckons...



Hopelessly Romantic Geezer Named Alfred


What's Your Personality Type?
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*yawn*
it's monday morning and i'm the first in the office. it's usually like this, amazingly enough. but the rest of the week i'm late while everyone else is on time. i say, i do live up to my alternate ego of 'little miss contrary'...

just to start off this week, a link i stole off alison's site to round off my national pride: top 25 CANADIAN albums of all time. i have to say i'm a little disappointed he listed the one and only sarah mclachlan album on the list as surfacing. in my opinion stumbling towards ecstasy and solace were her best outputs, although if i had to choose i would say stumbling wins over solace as a more mature album.

anyhoo... back to work. i decided to change my background color to something a wee bit more subtle... i like it. :)

*bummed*
SOOOOOO disappointed... we lost a 2-0 lead i the game and ended up blowing the entire season in the last 3 games.... all the success we had during the regular season doesn't mean much now. final score was 4-2. i don't know what happened to our defense, or our offense for that matter. markus? mattias? daniel? henrik??? we were outscored the last 3 games 16-5. so the boys will dust out golf clubs and resolve to a long summer afterall.... i'm going to drown my sorrows tonight.... :(

*the final countdown*
ok not reeeally the FINAL countdown... but we are definately teetering on the edge right now. in about 15 minutes, vancouver will face minnesota in the deciding game 7 after losing our 3-1 lead in series with the last two games. it all comes down to this. we were outscored the last 2 games 13-3. that's ridiculous!! i still have hope though. we are masters of the comeback. and we WILL conquer...

you know, many people have told me that canadians are the most adamant about how great our country is. well... that's because canada IS great... duh... i will spare you the moving prose i could expound on the greatness of canada, but you should all check THIS out... oh canada! :)

*i'm not white*
i often have to remind myself of this. strange as it may sound, i realized since coming to hong kong that i actually did subconsciously believe this for a long time. i mean, i look at myself in the mirror and i see a girl with olive skin and dark hair and eyes, but i didn't think that people saw that. in canada, i carried myself as if i was exactly the same as everyone else around me. but then i realized that wasn't how others saw me. they saw a chinese girl and probably thought all the stereotypes that go along with that. i'm not saying i was blind to prejudice, because i don't believe i really experienced that much of it. but i do think there is a slight difference in the way people think of you according to your skin (not necessarily in a disadvantaged way). this was something that became really apparent to me here in hk, and i had to consciously urge myeslf to reconnect with my asian roots, having denied them for so long.

this week, i realized how much further i still had to go in this re-transformation. i was sitting in a restaurant with derek, both enjoying our shanghainese noodles and choy faan. i noticed a chinese mother eating with her young daughter, who looks eurasian. and i thought, i wonder if my kids would look like that... that.. WHAT?? just to rule out i wasn't thinking i would be marrying a caucasian. i was thinking... THIS would be a representation of myself. that this was somehow still how i envision myself. that inner picture of myself is still not accurate, at least not physically. i had to kick myself back to reality and admit once again that i am, and will always be, purely chinese, no matter how i feel. i suppose at this stage, i also cannot deny that i have spent 2/3 of my life in canada, and that place has near-full responsibility in defining who i am today, so i suppose this is just a subconscious effort to recognize the marriage of two cultures in my identity. so what to make of it all? i don't really think there will be and end to this struggle, as it is for so many others in hong kong and elsewhere. third-culture kids, or TCKs, are definitively undefinable in their identity. we can only attempt to sort out all the complex tangle of cables one by one, and in the process hope to have a slightly more clear understanding of who we are.

*kiss my @$$*
awww... c'mon guys... why isn't anyone signing my guestbook?? and my cool guestmap??? they are really really cool.... i'm so serious..... what can be cooler than the deathstar??

ok. enough of the whining. i've got a can of whoop in room and i'm not afraid to use it... i know where y'all live....

now onto more urgent matters. the vancouver canucks, MY canucks, have a chance to move onto conference finals tuesday morning, 10:30am local time, when they face the pitiful minnesota wild. we are up 3-1 in the series and i'm just peein' in my pants with anticipation right now.... do you realize how LONG it's been since they got this far in post-season?? 9 years! NINE years!! i still remember that season, when we came so close to the cup... that was the end of my first year at university, the year kurt cobain died... oh how i miss the smell of a freshly zamboni-ed ice rink, the skip in my heartbeat at the sound of the opening horn, the joy of seeing linden on the ice again.... oooohhhhhhhh my. WHY in heaven's name don't i have cable?!?!?!???

can you tell i'm bored...


congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud


which happy bunny are you?
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You have the Power of Flight!


What's Your Magic Power?
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COOL...

*breakfast at tiffany's*
ever watch that audrey hepburn film? it's one of my favourites. truman capote. a true classic. small town no-name girl comes to big city to create a whole new identity.. trying to run away from her true self... the best part is that she finds such happiness at tiffany's. i've never been inside a tiffany's store, but i'm sure it is magic. why is there such magic? my friends ross and alpha just got engaged on saturday, and she now carries around on her left hand her own portable little piece of magic from tiffany's. every girl's dream isn't it? is it? why is it? i was looking at it, and she and another married girlfriend were comparing their rings, and alpha took hers off and put it on my finger... oooh my. for a second, i lost it. i felt like a queen. it's a good feeling - to be someone's queen. for a second, i felt that tiffany's magic... but i don't want to get lost in that magic.

as nice as it felt (and it fet GOOD... i mean, that ring fit perfectly on my finger...), i don't want to hang my identity on what hangs on the fourth finger of my left hand. i'm learning everyday what it means to be a part of a whole. but at the same time, it's important to be whole within the whole. does that make sense? i don't think it's possible to have a perfect fit with another half until i myself am whole. and it's a battle sometimes, to not rely on the other half to make me whole. it means looking at the awkward bits - the rough edges, and parts i wish weren't there - looking them straight on and not running away from them, but actually trying to fix them. trying to fix those ugly bits... regardless of whether there IS another half out there. imagine that! trying to be the perfect other half without actually HAVING another half to adapt to. because we really shouldn't be changing for anyone. or rather, anyone on earth. i guess it'd be pointless to change towards nothing. but i am trying to change into the perfect shape that God himself - the creator of the heavens and earth - prescribed me to be.

and we, who with unveiled faces, all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. ~2cor.3:18

i suppose He knows what he's doing, and if we all head towards this goal, then we will be perfect for which ever 'other' He has prescribed us to be with. and when these two prescribed wholes come together, they should (oh dare i use such a cliche...) complete each other. they should be made MORE whole. now THAT'S the magic of the union between two people.